Can you bring someone with you to mediation? – 2021


Solent Family Mediation assist families in conflict, particularly those separating or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more cost-efficient than heading to court. It reduces conflict, and your household stays in control of plans over children, property and finance.

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The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, therefore it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a female who’s contemplating divorce, you have several choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to consider 4 broad classifications of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s have a look at the pros and cons of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best suggestions I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is very made complex, both lawfully and financially. You can easily make mistakes, and frequently those errors are irreparable. The only scenario I can picture when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted just two or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, similar earnings and no alimony. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be accomplished rather rapidly and cheaply. I would still highly recommend that each party have their own separate lawyer review the final documents.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral arbitrator who assists both parties come to a contract on all aspects of their divorce. Both parties still need to seek advice from with their own, individual lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a few benefits and drawbacks to think about before choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be simpler on children because the divorce procedures might be more peaceful.
  • Speed up a contract.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce due to the fact that you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is private; prosecuted divorce is public.

However, on the “con” side, divorce mediation may likewise:

  • Waste time and cash. If negotiations fail, you’ll require to begin all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the mediator is unskilled or biased towards your other half, the outcome could be undesirable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable contract. A mediation contract that’s lopsided or poorly prepared can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal complications. Any issue of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to reveal particular assets. Because all monetary details is willingly revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your partner might potentially conceal assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy habits patterns. If one spouse is controling and the other is submissive, the last settlement might not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation might increase unfavorable behavior of a partner with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a better, less contentious, less expensive and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant issue with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the mediator is to get the celebrations to come to an arrangement– any arrangement! Unless both parties can be relatively sensible and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is normally not a feasible option for the majority of ladies.

Collaborative Divorce

Basically, collective divorce occurs when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

During a collaborative divorce both you and your husband will each hire an attorney who has been trained in the collective divorce process. The role of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is rather different than in a standard divorce. Each lawyer recommends and assists their customer in working out a settlement arrangement. You will meet your attorney individually and you and your attorney will likewise consult with your hubby and his lawyer. The collaborative process may also include other neutral professionals such as a divorce monetary planner who will assist both of you work through your financial issues and a coach or therapist who can help direct both of you through child custody and other mentally charged problems.

In the collective procedure, you, your other half and your particular attorneys all need to sign a contract that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your other half need to begin all over once again and find brand-new lawyers. Neither party can use the very same lawyers once again!

Even if the collaborative procedure succeeds, you will generally have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the agreement. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less expensive than traditional lawsuits if the collective process works.

However, I have actually found that the collective method often doesn’t work well to settle divorces including complex financial scenarios or when there are significant possessions. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all financial information (earnings, possessions and liabilities) is divulged willingly. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces include businesses and professional practices where it is relatively easy to hide possessions and earnings.

… as a basic rule, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first 3 options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You believe your partner is concealing assets/income.
  • Your spouse is domineering, and you have trouble speaking up or you’re afraid to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or hazard of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your hubby has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce alternative is the most common. Nowadays, the majority of divorcing couples select the “traditional” model of prosecuted divorce.

Bear in mind, though, “litigated” does not imply the divorce winds up in court. In fact, the vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘carrying out a suit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one party desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial scenario right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, given that both techniques rely on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and highly emotionally charged circumstance, the possibilities are really high that cooperation or mediation might fail. Why take the threat of going those paths when odds are they might fail, wasting your money and time?

The most crucial and most difficult parts of any divorce are coming to a contract on kid custody, division of possessions and liabilities and spousal support payments (how much and for the length of time). You desire your attorney to be a highly competent arbitrator, you don’t want somebody who is extremely combative, prepared to battle over anything and everything. An overly controversial approach will not just extend the pain and significantly increase your legal fees, it will also be mentally damaging to everybody involved, specifically the children.

Remember: Many divorce attorneys (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will always make every effort to come to a reasonable settlement with the other party. If they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, unfortunately, going to court, or threatening to do so, may be the only way to fix these issues.

If you have tried everything else, and you do end up in court, things can get actually nasty and hostile. Up until that point both attorneys were “arbitrators,” attempting to get the parties to jeopardize and concern some reasonable resolution. When in court, the role of each attorney changes. Settlements and compromise transfer to the back burner. Their new task is to “win” and get the best possible result for their customer.

And do not forget, once you remain in court, it’s a judge who understands very little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your kids, your property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a very big danger for both parties to take– which’s likewise why the threat of litigating is usually such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of suggestions about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce choices carefully. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be prepared with “Strategy B” which would be the litigated divorce.

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