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Solent Family Mediation assist households in conflict, particularly those divorcing or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more cost-efficient than heading to court. It lowers dispute, and your household remains in control of arrangements over kids, home and finance.

We work right across England and Wales and our family mediation service has over thirty years’ experience supplying professional, professional family mediation services.

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The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, therefore it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a lady who’s considering divorce, you have a number of alternatives about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to think about four broad classifications of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s have a look at the pros and cons of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best recommendations I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only circumstance I can imagine when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, may be in a case where the marriage lasted only two or 3 years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent incomes and no alimony. In a case like that, a Diy divorce might be achieved quite quickly and inexpensively.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral arbitrator who assists both celebrations pertain to an agreement on all elements of their divorce. The arbitrator might or might not be an attorney, however he/she needs to be incredibly fluent in divorce and family law. In addition, it is vital for the arbitrator to be neutral and not promote for either celebration. Both parties still need to speak with their own, individual attorneys during the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a couple of advantages and disadvantages to consider prior to choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Result in a better long-term relationship with your ex-husband given that you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be much easier on kids given that the divorce procedures might be more tranquil.
  • Speed up a contract.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Assist you stay in control of your divorce since you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is private; litigated divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Waste time and cash. If negotiations stop working, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly favorable to one spouse. If the arbitrator is inexperienced or prejudiced towards your spouse, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation agreement that’s lopsided or improperly prepared can be challenged.
  • Cause legal issues. Any issue of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover particular possessions. Given that all monetary information is willingly revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your partner might possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Reinforce unhealthy habits patterns. If one spouse is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement might not be reasonable.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation could increase negative behavior of a partner with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often hear about the marvels of mediation and how it is reportedly a better, less controversial, less expensive and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My most significant issue with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the arbitrator is to get the celebrations to come to an arrangement– any arrangement! Unless both parties can be fairly reasonable and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I believe that mediation is normally not a feasible alternative for a lot of women.

Collaborative Divorce

Basically, collective divorce happens when a couple agrees to exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collaborative divorce both you and your partner will each employ an attorney who has been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The role of the attorneys in a collaborative divorce is rather various than in a conventional divorce. Each attorney advises and helps their client in negotiating a settlement agreement. You will meet with your lawyer separately and you and your lawyer will also consult with your spouse and his attorney. The collective process might also include other neutral professionals such as a divorce financial planner who will assist both of you overcome your financial problems and a coach or therapist who can assist guide both of you through kid custody and other emotionally charged concerns.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your hubby and your particular attorneys all should sign a contract that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this happens, both you and your other half must start all over again and find brand-new lawyers. Neither party can use the exact same attorneys again!

Even if the collaborative process succeeds, you will usually have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. The legal process can be much quicker and less expensive than standard litigation if the collective procedure works.

Sadly, however, I have found that the collective approach often doesn’t work well to settle divorces including complicated financial situations or when there are significant assets. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all financial info (earnings, properties and liabilities) is revealed voluntarily. Often the spouse controls the “bag strings,” and the other half is generally unaware of the information of their monetary circumstance. When this type of inequality exists, the door is frequently wide open for the partner to conceal properties. What’s more, many high net worth divorces involve services and professional practices where it is fairly easy to conceal possessions and earnings. In addition, the problem of appraisal can be rather contentious.

… as a general guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these first 3 alternatives– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You believe your partner is hiding assets/income.
  • Your husband is aggressive, and you have problem speaking up or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or hazard of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your husband has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce choice is the most common. Nowadays, the majority of divorcing couples choose the “traditional” design of litigated divorce.

Keep in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not mean the divorce ends up in court. In fact, the large bulk of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘carrying out a lawsuit.’

Why are lawsuits a part of divorce? Due to the fact that contrary to popular belief, divorce typically does not involve two individuals equally accepting end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, develops an adversarial circumstance right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, because both methods depend on the complete cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary details.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and extremely emotionally charged scenario, the chances are really high that partnership or mediation might stop working. Why take the danger of going those paths when odds are they might stop working, squandering your money and time?

The most crucial and most hard parts of any divorce are concerning a contract on child custody, department of possessions and liabilities and spousal support payments (how much and for the length of time). Although you want your lawyer to be a highly proficient mediator, you do not want someone who is overly combative, prepared to fight over anything and everything. An excessively contentious method will not only lengthen the discomfort and significantly increase your legal charges, it will likewise be emotionally damaging to everybody included, especially the children.

Keep in mind: The majority of divorce attorneys (or at least the ones I would recommend) will always aim to come to a sensible settlement with the other celebration. If they can’t come to a sensible settlement or if the other celebration is completely unreasonable then, regrettably, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to solve these issues.

Up till that point both attorneys were “mediators,” trying to get the parties to jeopardize and come to some sensible resolution. Once in court, the role of each attorney changes.

And do not forget, once you’re in court, it’s a judge who knows really little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your kids, your home, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge danger for both celebrations to take– which’s likewise why the hazard of litigating is normally such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of guidance about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce alternatives carefully. If you have doubts, it is great to be ready with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

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