Do I require an arbitrator for separation? – Solent Family Mediation


Solent Family Mediation assist households in conflict, specifically those divorcing or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more affordable than heading to court. It decreases dispute, and your household remains in control of plans over kids, home and financing.

We work right across England and Wales and our family mediation service has over 30 years’ experience providing specialist, professional family mediation services.

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The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marriages are the same, therefore it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a lady who’s contemplating divorce, you have numerous alternatives about how to continue. In general terms, you need to think about 4 broad categories of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the benefits and drawbacks of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best advice I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only scenario I can picture when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, may be in a case where the marriage lasted only 2 or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, similar earnings and no alimony. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce might be accomplished quite quickly and cheaply.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral mediator who helps both celebrations come to an arrangement on all aspects of their divorce. The mediator might or might not be a lawyer, but he/she needs to be very well-versed in divorce and family law. In addition, it is critical for the arbitrator to be neutral and not promote for either party. Both celebrations still require to seek advice from their own, individual lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a few benefits and drawbacks to think about prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband considering that you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be simpler on children given that the divorce proceedings might be more serene.
  • Expedite an arrangement.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Assist you remain in control of your divorce since you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is private; litigated divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Waste time and cash. If settlements stop working, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly favorable to one spouse. If the mediator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your spouse, the result could be undesirable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation arrangement that’s uneven or improperly prepared can be challenged.
  • Result in legal complications. Any problem of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to reveal particular properties. Since all financial info is willingly divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your husband might potentially hide assets/income.
  • Reinforce unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is controling and the other is submissive, the final settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation could increase unfavorable behavior of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples frequently hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is supposedly a much better, less contentious, cheaper and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. However, my greatest issue with mediation is that the sole role and objective of the mediator is to get the parties to come to an arrangement– any contract! Keep in mind, the conciliator can not give any recommendations. All they can do is try to get you to concur. Sadly, not all agreements are great contracts, and in fact, in many cases, no agreement is better than a bad contract. Unless both parties can be fairly sensible and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is generally not a viable option for most females.

Collaborative Divorce

Put simply, collaborative divorce takes place when a couple accepts work out a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collaborative divorce both you and your husband will each employ a lawyer who has actually been trained in the collaborative divorce procedure. The role of the lawyers in a collective divorce is rather various than in a conventional divorce. Each lawyer advises and assists their customer in working out a settlement agreement. You will meet your lawyer separately and you and your attorney will likewise meet with your other half and his attorney. The collective process may also involve other neutral experts such as a divorce monetary planner who will assist both of you work through your monetary issues and a coach or therapist who can help guide both of you through child custody and other mentally charged concerns.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your other half and your particular attorneys all should sign a contract that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your spouse must start all over again and find brand-new attorneys. Neither party can utilize the very same attorneys once again!

Even if the collaborative process is successful, you will usually have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the contract. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less pricey than conventional lawsuits if the collaborative process works.

However, I have actually discovered that the collective method typically doesn’t work well to settle divorces including complex financial scenarios or when there are considerable properties. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary information (income, properties and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. What’s more, many high net worth divorces include organizations and professional practices where it is fairly simple to hide assets and earnings.

… as a general rule, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT use any of these very first three options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your hubby is concealing assets/income.
  • Your hubby is prideful, and you have difficulty speaking out or you’re afraid to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your partner has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce option is the most typical. Nowadays, most of separating couples select the “traditional” model of prosecuted divorce.

Keep in mind, though, “litigated” does not suggest the divorce winds up in court. The large majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, develops an adversarial scenario right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, given that both techniques rely on the complete cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and highly mentally charged circumstance, the chances are really high that collaboration or mediation might fail. Why take the danger of going those routes when chances are they might fail, losing your money and time?

The most essential and most tough parts of any divorce are pertaining to an arrangement on kid custody, division of possessions and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for the length of time). You want your attorney to be a highly proficient mediator, you do not want someone who is extremely combative, prepared to fight over anything and whatever. An overly controversial technique will not only extend the pain and significantly increase your legal fees, it will also be emotionally damaging to everybody involved, specifically the children.

Remember: Most divorce attorneys (or at least the ones I would suggest) will constantly aim to come to a sensible settlement with the other party. If they can’t come to a sensible settlement or if the other celebration is entirely unreasonable then, unfortunately, going to court, or threatening to do so, may be the only method to resolve these problems.

If you have actually tried whatever else, and you do end up in court, things can get actually nasty and hostile. Up till that point both attorneys were “negotiators,” attempting to get the celebrations to compromise and pertain to some sensible resolution. But once in court, the role of each attorney modifications. Settlements and compromise relocate to the back burner. Their brand-new task is to “win” and get the very best possible result for their customer.

And do not forget, once you remain in court, it’s a judge who understands extremely little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your kids, your property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge threat for both celebrations to take– which’s also why the risk of going to court is normally such a great deterrent.

Here’s my last word of suggestions about divorce options: Weigh divorce alternatives carefully. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be all set with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

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