If you are at the point of separation, or you are already separated or divorced, mediation may help you focus on the future.

[su_button url=”https://solentfamilymediation.co.uk/contact-us” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, therefore it just follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a female who’s considering divorce, you have several choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to think about 4 broad classifications of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s have a look at the pros and cons of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best recommendations I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only scenario I can picture when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, may be in a case where the marital relationship lasted only 2 or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, similar incomes and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be achieved quite rapidly and inexpensively.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral mediator who helps both parties pertain to an agreement on all elements of their divorce. The arbitrator may or may not be an attorney, but he/she needs to be incredibly well-versed in divorce and family law. In addition, it is crucial for the arbitrator to be neutral and not promote for either celebration. Both celebrations still require to speak with their own, private lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a few pros and cons to think about prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Lead to a much better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband given that you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be easier on children considering that the divorce proceedings might be more serene.
  • Expedite a contract.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce due to the fact that you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is personal; litigated divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Lose time and money. If negotiations stop working, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly favorable to one partner. If the mediator is inexperienced or biased towards your other half, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation contract that’s uneven or improperly prepared can be challenged.
  • Result in legal complications. Any problem of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to reveal certain possessions. Because all financial info is willingly revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your other half could possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement may not be reasonable.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation could increase negative behavior of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically become aware of the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a much better, less contentious, more economical and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My biggest issue with mediation is that the sole function and objective of the mediator is to get the parties to come to an arrangement– any arrangement! Remember, the mediator can not offer any suggestions. All they can do is try to get you to concur. Not all arrangements are great contracts, and in fact, in numerous cases, no arrangement is much better than a bad agreement. So unless both parties can be fairly affordable and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I believe that mediation is normally not a feasible choice for a lot of women.

Collaborative Divorce

Simply put, collaborative divorce takes place when a couple agrees to work out a divorce settlement without going to court.

During a collective divorce both you and your hubby will each employ a lawyer who has actually been trained in the collective divorce process. The function of the attorneys in a collective divorce is quite various than in a traditional divorce.

In the collaborative process, you, your spouse and your particular lawyers all should sign a contract that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this happens, both you and your husband should start all over once again and discover brand-new lawyers. Neither celebration can utilize the very same attorneys once again!

Even if the collaborative process is successful, you will usually have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. The legal process can be much quicker and less costly than standard lawsuits if the collective procedure works.

Though, I have actually found that the collaborative method often does not work well to settle divorces involving complex monetary situations or when there are significant properties. In collaborative divorce, simply as in mediation, all monetary information (earnings, possessions and liabilities) is disclosed voluntarily. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces include organizations and expert practices where it is relatively easy to hide properties and income.

… as a general rule, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first three alternatives– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your hubby is hiding assets/income.
  • Your hubby is prideful, and you have trouble speaking out or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your spouse has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce option is the most typical. Nowadays, most of separating couples pick the “standard” model of litigated divorce.

Keep in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not mean the divorce winds up in court. The vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Litigation” is a legal term significance ‘performing a suit.’

Why are claims a part of divorce? Since contrary to popular belief, divorce generally does not involve two individuals equally accepting end their marriage. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial situation right from the start and typically disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, given that both approaches depend on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary details.

Plainly, if you are starting with an adversarial and extremely mentally charged situation, the opportunities are extremely high that collaboration or mediation might stop working. Why take the threat of going those paths when chances are they might fail, squandering your money and time?

The most essential and most hard parts of any divorce are coming to a contract on child custody, division of properties and liabilities and alimony payments (how much and for for how long). You desire your attorney to be an extremely experienced negotiator, you do not desire somebody who is extremely combative, ready to combat over anything and everything. An excessively contentious technique will not only prolong the pain and significantly increase your legal costs, it will likewise be mentally harmful to everyone involved, particularly the children.

Keep in mind: Many divorce lawyers (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will constantly aim to come to a sensible settlement with the other party. But if they can’t concern a reasonable settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, regrettably, litigating, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to deal with these concerns.

Up till that point both lawyers were “negotiators,” attempting to get the celebrations to compromise and come to some sensible resolution. As soon as in court, the role of each lawyer modifications.

And don’t forget, when you remain in court, it’s a judge who understands really little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your children, your property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a very big danger for both celebrations to take– and that’s also why the risk of litigating is typically such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of advice about divorce options: Weigh divorce choices carefully. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is different. Clearly, if you have the ability to deal with your hubby to make decisions and both of you are sincere and sensible, then mediation or the collaborative method may be best. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be prepared with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]