Does a mediator decide the outcome? – Solent Family Mediation


Solent Family Mediation assist households in conflict, especially those separating or separating.

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The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marriages are the same, and so it only follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a woman who’s pondering divorce, you have several choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider 4 broad classifications of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best guidance I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only scenario I can visualize when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, may be in a case where the marriage lasted only two or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent incomes and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce might be accomplished quite quickly and inexpensively.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral mediator who assists both parties come to an agreement on all elements of their divorce. Both parties still require to seek advice from with their own, specific attorneys throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a few benefits and drawbacks to consider prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Result in a much better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be easier on kids considering that the divorce procedures might be more tranquil.
  • Expedite an agreement.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce since you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Permit more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Waste time and cash. If negotiations stop working, you’ll require to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly favorable to one spouse. If the arbitrator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your other half, the outcome could be undesirable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation contract that’s uneven or improperly prepared can be challenged.
  • Result in legal problems. Any concern of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to reveal certain possessions. Considering that all financial info is willingly revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your husband might possibly hide assets/income.
  • Reinforce unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the last settlement might not be reasonable.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation could increase negative habits of a partner with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples frequently find out about the wonders of mediation and how it is reportedly a much better, less contentious, cheaper and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant problem with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the arbitrator is to get the celebrations to come to an arrangement– any arrangement! Keep in mind, the arbitrator can not offer any guidance. All they can do is attempt to get you to agree. Not all arrangements are good arrangements, and in truth, in lots of cases, no contract is much better than a bad contract. So unless both celebrations can be fairly reasonable and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is usually not a viable choice for many women.

Collaborative Divorce

Simply put, collective divorce takes place when a couple agrees to exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

During a collaborative divorce both you and your partner will each employ a lawyer who has actually been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The function of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is rather various than in a traditional divorce.

In the collective process, you, your husband and your particular attorneys all should sign a contract that needs that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your husband need to start all over again and find new lawyers. Neither celebration can use the same attorneys again!

Even if the collaborative process achieves success, you will typically need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the contract. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less pricey than traditional lawsuits if the collective procedure works.

Though, I have actually discovered that the collaborative approach often doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complicated monetary situations or when there are significant properties. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all financial info (earnings, possessions and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces involve services and expert practices where it is fairly easy to hide assets and income.

So … as a basic rule, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these first three options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You presume your partner is hiding assets/income.
  • Your partner is domineering, and you have difficulty speaking up or you hesitate to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or threat of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your other half has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce alternative is the most common. Nowadays, the majority of divorcing couples choose the “traditional” design of litigated divorce.

Bear in mind, though, “litigated” does not indicate the divorce ends up in court. The huge bulk of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a suit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial circumstance right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, since both methods rely on the complete cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all financial information.

Clearly, if you are starting with an adversarial and extremely emotionally charged circumstance, the chances are really high that cooperation or mediation may fail. Why take the risk of going those routes when chances are they might stop working, losing your money and time?

The most important and most hard parts of any divorce are pertaining to an arrangement on child custody, department of possessions and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for how long). You desire your lawyer to be a highly skilled arbitrator, you do not desire someone who is overly combative, ready to fight over anything and whatever. An overly contentious method will not only lengthen the discomfort and considerably increase your legal fees, it will likewise be mentally damaging to everybody included, particularly the children.

Keep in mind: The majority of divorce lawyers (or at least the ones I would recommend) will always aim to come to an affordable settlement with the other celebration. If they can’t come to a sensible settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, sadly, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to solve these issues.

If you have actually attempted whatever else, and you do end up in court, things can get really nasty and hostile. Up up until that point both attorneys were “arbitrators,” attempting to get the parties to jeopardize and come to some sensible resolution. When in court, the function of each lawyer changes. Settlements and compromise move to the back burner. Their new job is to “win” and get the very best possible outcome for their customer.

And don’t forget, when you remain in court, it’s a judge who knows extremely little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your children, your property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge threat for both celebrations to take– and that’s also why the risk of litigating is generally such a good deterrent.

Here’s my last word of recommendations about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce choices thoroughly. If you have doubts, it is good to be all set with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

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