Family mediation and dispute resolution – Solent Family Mediation

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The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, therefore it only follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a woman who’s considering divorce, you have a number of options about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to think about four broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best suggestions I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is really made complex, both lawfully and economically. You can easily make mistakes, and often those errors are irreversible. The only scenario I can visualize when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only two or three years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be achieved quite quickly and cheaply. I would still extremely suggest that each party have their own separate lawyer review the final files.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral mediator who helps both celebrations come to an arrangement on all aspects of their divorce. Both celebrations still need to seek advice from with their own, private attorneys during the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a few pros and cons to think about prior to choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a better long-term relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be much easier on children considering that the divorce proceedings might be more serene.
  • Expedite an agreement.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Help you stay in control of your divorce due to the fact that you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

However, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might likewise:

  • Lose time and cash. If negotiations fail, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly favorable to one spouse. If the arbitrator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your hubby, the result could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable contract. A mediation contract that’s lopsided or badly drafted can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal problems. Any problem of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover specific assets. Considering that all financial information is voluntarily disclosed and there is no subpoena of records, your hubby might potentially conceal assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy habits patterns. If one spouse is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation could increase negative habits of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often find out about the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a much better, less contentious, less costly and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My greatest problem with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the arbitrator is to get the celebrations to come to a contract– any arrangement! Keep in mind, the mediator can not give any suggestions. All they can do is attempt to get you to concur. Not all arrangements are excellent contracts, and in fact, in numerous cases, no contract is better than a bad agreement. So unless both celebrations can be fairly sensible and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is normally not a practical choice for the majority of ladies.

Collective Divorce

Put simply, collective divorce takes place when a couple accepts work out a divorce settlement without going to court.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your husband will each hire a lawyer who has actually been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The role of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is quite various than in a standard divorce.

In the collective process, you, your other half and your respective lawyers all must sign an agreement that requires that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this happens, both you and your spouse need to start all over once again and find new attorneys. Neither party can utilize the very same lawyers once again!

Even if the collective procedure succeeds, you will typically need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. The legal process can be much quicker and less costly than conventional litigation if the collaborative procedure works.

Regrettably, however, I have discovered that the collective technique often does not work well to settle divorces including complex financial situations or when there are substantial assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all financial details (earnings, possessions and liabilities) is disclosed voluntarily. Often the hubby controls the “bag strings,” and the wife is usually unaware of the information of their monetary scenario. When this kind of inequality exists, the door is frequently wide open for the husband to conceal possessions. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces include companies and expert practices where it is relatively simple to conceal possessions and earnings. In addition, the issue of valuation can be rather contentious.

… as a general guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these first three options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your spouse is concealing assets/income.
  • Your husband is prideful, and you have difficulty speaking out or you hesitate to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your hubby has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce choice is the most common. These days, the majority of separating couples select the “traditional” design of prosecuted divorce.

Keep in mind, however, “prosecuted” does not mean the divorce ends up in court. In fact, the vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Litigation” is a legal term significance ‘performing a suit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial situation right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, considering that both techniques rely on the complete cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Plainly, if you are starting with an adversarial and extremely emotionally charged situation, the chances are very high that partnership or mediation may stop working. Why take the danger of going those paths when chances are they might fail, squandering your time and money?

The most crucial and most hard parts of any divorce are coming to an arrangement on child custody, department of assets and liabilities and spousal support payments (how much and for for how long). You want your lawyer to be an extremely skilled arbitrator, you don’t want somebody who is extremely combative, prepared to fight over anything and everything. An overly contentious method will not only lengthen the pain and considerably increase your legal fees, it will likewise be emotionally destructive to everyone involved, especially the children.

Remember: A lot of divorce lawyers (or at least the ones I would advise) will always aim to come to a reasonable settlement with the other celebration. But if they can’t concern an affordable settlement or if the other party is completely unreasonable then, sadly, litigating, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to resolve these problems.

Up till that point both lawyers were “arbitrators,” attempting to get the celebrations to jeopardize and come to some affordable resolution. As soon as in court, the function of each lawyer modifications.

And do not forget, once you’re in court, it’s a judge who understands extremely little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your children, your home, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge danger for both celebrations to take– which’s likewise why the threat of litigating is generally such a great deterrent.

Here’s my last word of advice about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce options thoroughly. If you have doubts, it is great to be prepared with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

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