How do I divorce my partner and keep whatever? – Solent Family Mediation

Family mediation

Throughout mediation an independent, professionally qualified conciliator helps you and your ex-partner exercise an arrangement about concerns such as:

arrangements for kids after you separate (in some cases called home or contact);.

  • child maintenance payments.
  • finances (for instance, what to do with your home, savings, pension, financial obligations)

[su_button url=”” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marriages are the same, and so it just follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a lady who’s contemplating divorce, you have several alternatives about how to continue. In general terms, you require to think about 4 broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best guidance I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only situation I can imagine when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted just 2 or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent incomes and no alimony. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce might be accomplished rather rapidly and inexpensively.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral conciliator who assists both parties come to an arrangement on all aspects of their divorce. The mediator may or may not be a lawyer, however he/she should be exceptionally fluent in divorce and family law. In addition, it is vital for the arbitrator to be neutral and not advocate for either celebration. Both celebrations still require to seek advice from their own, specific attorneys throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a few benefits and drawbacks to consider before choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Result in a better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband given that you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be easier on children given that the divorce procedures may be more peaceful.
  • Accelerate an arrangement.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Assist you remain in control of your divorce due to the fact that you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is private; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Waste time and money. If negotiations fail, you’ll require to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the arbitrator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your husband, the result could be unfavorable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable agreement. A mediation contract that’s lopsided or improperly prepared can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal complications. Any problem of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover particular assets. Given that all monetary information is voluntarily divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your husband might potentially conceal assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is controling and the other is submissive, the last settlement might not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation might increase unfavorable behavior of a partner with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is reportedly a better, less controversial, less expensive and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My biggest problem with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the mediator is to get the parties to come to a contract– any contract! Keep in mind, the arbitrator can not give any suggestions. All they can do is try to get you to agree. Not all arrangements are great arrangements, and in reality, in lots of cases, no arrangement is better than a bad agreement. Unless both parties can be fairly reasonable and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is generally not a feasible alternative for many women.

Collective Divorce

Put simply, collaborative divorce takes place when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without going to court.

During a collective divorce both you and your husband will each employ an attorney who has actually been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The function of the attorneys in a collaborative divorce is quite various than in a traditional divorce.

In the collaborative process, you, your other half and your particular attorneys all should sign a contract that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your husband must start all over once again and find new lawyers. Neither party can use the same attorneys once again!

Even if the collaborative process succeeds, you will usually need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. But the legal process can be much quicker and less costly than standard lawsuits if the collective procedure works.

However, I have actually found that the collaborative method often does not work well to settle divorces including complicated financial circumstances or when there are significant assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary details (income, possessions and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces include companies and professional practices where it is fairly easy to conceal properties and earnings.

So … as a basic guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT use any of these first three options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You presume your hubby is hiding assets/income.
  • Your spouse is prideful, and you have difficulty speaking up or you hesitate to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your husband has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce option is the most typical. These days, the majority of divorcing couples select the “conventional” design of litigated divorce.

Remember, however, “prosecuted” does not mean the divorce winds up in court. In fact, the vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement arrangement. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

Why are suits a part of divorce? Due to the fact that contrary to popular belief, divorce usually does not involve 2 people mutually accepting end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial scenario right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, given that both techniques count on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and extremely emotionally charged scenario, the possibilities are extremely high that collaboration or mediation may stop working. Why take the threat of going those paths when chances are they might fail, wasting your time and money?

The most important and most hard parts of any divorce are pertaining to an agreement on child custody, division of assets and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for the length of time). Although you want your attorney to be a highly experienced mediator, you do not desire someone who is overly combative, ready to fight over anything and everything. An extremely contentious technique will not only prolong the discomfort and substantially increase your legal fees, it will also be emotionally damaging to everybody involved, specifically the kids.

Remember: Most divorce attorneys (or at least the ones I would advise) will always make every effort to come to a sensible settlement with the other party. However if they can’t concern an affordable settlement or if the other celebration is completely unreasonable then, sadly, litigating, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to deal with these concerns.

Up up until that point both lawyers were “negotiators,” attempting to get the celebrations to jeopardize and come to some sensible resolution. As soon as in court, the function of each attorney changes.

And don’t forget, as soon as you’re in court, it’s a judge who understands very little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your kids, your home, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a very big risk for both celebrations to take– which’s likewise why the hazard of litigating is typically such a great deterrent.

Here’s my last word of recommendations about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce choices thoroughly. If you have doubts, it is great to be ready with “Strategy B” which would be the litigated divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]

Back to Top