How do I settle a disagreement without litigating?

Solent Family Mediation assist families in conflict, particularly those separating or separating. Whatever the concerns, our expertise will help you settle them

[su_button url=”” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marriages are the same, and so it just follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a lady who’s pondering divorce, you have numerous alternatives about how to continue. In general terms, you require to think about four broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best guidance I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is really complicated, both lawfully and financially. You can easily make mistakes, and frequently those errors are permanent. The only situation I can picture when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only 2 or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, comparable incomes and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce could be achieved quite rapidly and cheaply. I would still extremely suggest that each celebration have their own different lawyer evaluation the final files.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral conciliator who assists both parties come to a contract on all elements of their divorce. Both parties still require to consult with their own, individual attorneys throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a couple of pros and cons to think about before deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Result in a better long-term relationship with your ex-husband given that you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be easier on kids since the divorce procedures may be more peaceful.
  • Speed up a contract.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce because you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Permit more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Waste time and money. If negotiations stop working, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly favorable to one partner. If the mediator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your other half, the outcome could be undesirable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable agreement. A mediation agreement that’s lopsided or badly drafted can be challenged.
  • Result in legal problems. Any issue of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover specific possessions. Considering that all monetary details is voluntarily revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your husband might potentially hide assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement might not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation might increase negative behavior of a partner with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a better, less contentious, less costly and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My biggest problem with mediation is that the sole role and objective of the mediator is to get the celebrations to come to a contract– any arrangement! Unless both parties can be fairly sensible and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is normally not a feasible option for many women.

Collective Divorce

Basically, collaborative divorce happens when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

During a collective divorce both you and your other half will each work with a lawyer who has been trained in the collective divorce process. The role of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is rather various than in a traditional divorce. Each lawyer recommends and assists their customer in negotiating a settlement agreement. You will meet your lawyer separately and you and your lawyer will also consult with your other half and his lawyer. The collaborative process might likewise include other neutral experts such as a divorce monetary coordinator who will assist both of you work through your financial issues and a coach or therapist who can help guide both of you through kid custody and other mentally charged problems.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your partner and your particular attorneys all need to sign a contract that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your husband must begin all over again and discover brand-new lawyers. Neither celebration can use the very same attorneys once again!

Even if the collective process succeeds, you will typically have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. But the legal process can be much quicker and less costly than conventional litigation if the collective procedure works.

However, I have discovered that the collective technique often doesn’t work well to settle divorces including complex financial scenarios or when there are substantial properties. In collaborative divorce, simply as in mediation, all financial information (income, properties and liabilities) is divulged willingly. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces involve companies and professional practices where it is reasonably easy to hide properties and earnings.

So … as a basic rule, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first 3 choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your other half is concealing assets/income.
  • Your hubby is prideful, and you have difficulty speaking out or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or risk of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your spouse has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce alternative is the most typical. These days, the majority of separating couples choose the “traditional” design of litigated divorce.

Remember, though, “litigated” does not suggest the divorce ends up in court. In fact, the vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement arrangement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘carrying out a suit.’

Why are lawsuits a part of divorce? Because contrary to popular belief, divorce usually does not involve two people mutually accepting end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one party wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial situation right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, given that both methods rely on the complete cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all financial details.

Clearly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and extremely mentally charged scenario, the opportunities are very high that collaboration or mediation might fail. Why take the risk of going those routes when chances are they might stop working, squandering your time and money?

The most essential and most hard parts of any divorce are pertaining to an agreement on child custody, department of properties and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for for how long). Although you desire your attorney to be a highly knowledgeable mediator, you don’t want somebody who is excessively combative, prepared to eliminate over anything and everything. An excessively controversial approach will not only lengthen the pain and significantly increase your legal charges, it will also be emotionally damaging to everyone included, specifically the kids.

Remember: The majority of divorce attorneys (or at least the ones I would recommend) will constantly aim to come to an affordable settlement with the other celebration. If they can’t come to a reasonable settlement or if the other party is entirely unreasonable then, sadly, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to fix these problems.

Up until that point both attorneys were “negotiators,” attempting to get the parties to compromise and come to some affordable resolution. When in court, the function of each attorney changes.

And do not forget, when you’re in court, it’s a judge who understands extremely little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your children, your property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a huge risk for both parties to take– and that’s also why the danger of litigating is generally such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of advice about divorce options: Weigh divorce alternatives thoroughly. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is various. Undoubtedly, if you have the ability to deal with your partner to make decisions and both of you are sincere and reasonable, then mediation or the collaborative method might be best. If you have doubts, it is great to be all set with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]

Back to Top