Child arrangements after separation
Shared parenting plan.
A shared parenting plan helps separated parents agree how children will spend time with each parent, how decisions will be made and how everyday arrangements will work across two homes.
Children caught in the middle?
Struggling to speak with your ex?
Unable to agree child arrangements?
Want to avoid court where possible?
What is shared parenting?
Shared parenting means both parents remain actively involved in their child’s life after separation. The exact pattern depends on the child’s needs and the family’s circumstances.
Why a shared parenting plan helps
A clear plan can make two homes feel more stable.
A shared parenting plan sets out how children will move between homes, how parents will communicate and how important decisions will be made. It can cover day-to-day routines, holidays, school matters, healthcare, handovers and arrangements for special occasions.
Shared parenting does not have to mean a strict 50/50 split. The right arrangement should be practical, safe and centred on the child’s welfare. Mediation can help parents discuss what will work for their family without forcing a one-size-fits-all outcome.
What the plan should cover
A useful shared parenting plan is specific enough to follow.
Living arrangements
Where the child lives during school weeks, weekends, holidays and special occasions.
Parenting time
How much time the child spends with each parent and how this works around school, work and travel.
Handovers
Where handovers happen, who attends and how parents keep handovers calm for the child.
School and health
How school updates, medical appointments, homework and health information will be shared.
Communication
How parents communicate, how often, what counts as urgent and how disagreements are handled.
Future changes
How the plan will be reviewed if the child’s needs, school, health or parents’ work patterns change.
Making shared parenting work
Shared parenting depends on structure, communication and flexibility.
- The child’s needs should remain the main focus.
- Both homes should feel safe, predictable and familiar.
- Parents need a workable method for communication.
- Handovers should be calm and clear.
- The arrangement should be flexible enough to respond to real life.
- Disagreements should be dealt with away from the child where possible.
Common problem areas
A shared parenting plan should deal with conflict before it becomes routine.
Different parenting styles
Parents do not have to parent identically, but the child benefits from clarity on rules, expectations and routines.
Conflict at handovers
If handovers are difficult, parents can consider school handovers, neutral locations or other lower-conflict arrangements.
Disagreements over money
Parents may need to separate parenting arrangements from financial disputes so the child’s routine is not disrupted by adult conflict.
Is a shared parenting plan legally binding?
A shared parenting plan is not automatically a court order. It can still provide useful written clarity. If parents need a formal legal order, they should take legal advice about the correct next step.
When mediation may not be suitable
If there are safeguarding concerns, domestic abuse, coercive control, fear, intimidation or serious welfare issues, mediation may not be appropriate. The mediator will assess suitability at the MIAM.
Shared parenting questions
Does shared parenting mean equal time?
Not necessarily. Shared parenting means both parents remain actively involved. The exact time pattern should be based on the child’s needs, safety, age, school routine and practical circumstances.
Can mediation help us create a shared parenting plan?
Yes, where mediation is suitable. The mediator can help parents discuss routines, handovers, holidays, communication and decision-making.
What if we cannot agree everything?
You can still record the issues you agree on and identify what needs further discussion, legal advice or another route.
Can the plan become legally binding?
A parenting plan is not automatically legally binding. If you need a formal court order, you should take legal advice about the right process.
Do we need a MIAM first?
A MIAM is usually the first step before mediation. It allows the mediator to explain the process and assess whether mediation is suitable.
Useful related pages
Before your MIAM
- List the child-arrangement issues you want to resolve.
- Think about weekdays, weekends and holidays separately.
- Bring details of any court orders or existing arrangements.
- Tell the mediator about any safeguarding or safety concerns.
Need help with a shared parenting plan?
Contact Solent Family Mediation to discuss MIAMs, shared parenting arrangements, online mediation or shuttle mediation.