The Five Stages Of Mediation – Solent Family Mediation

If you are at the point of separation, or you are already separated or separated, mediation may assist you concentrate on the future.

[su_button url=”” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, and so it only follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a woman who’s considering divorce, you have a number of choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to consider 4 broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best advice I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is very made complex, both lawfully and financially. You can quickly make errors, and often those errors are irreparable. The only circumstance I can visualize when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only 2 or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, similar earnings and no alimony. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be achieved rather rapidly and inexpensively. However, I would still highly advise that each celebration have their own different lawyer review the last documents.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral mediator who assists both parties concern a contract on all elements of their divorce. The mediator may or might not be a legal representative, but he/she needs to be incredibly well-versed in divorce and family law. In addition, it is critical for the conciliator to be neutral and not promote for either celebration. Both parties still require to talk to their own, individual attorneys throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement contract.

Here are a couple of pros and cons to think about prior to choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be much easier on kids because the divorce proceedings might be more serene.
  • Expedite a contract.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Assist you remain in control of your divorce since you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Permit more discretion. Mediation is private; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Waste time and cash. If negotiations stop working, you’ll require to begin all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly beneficial to one spouse. If the conciliator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your hubby, the result could be undesirable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable agreement. A mediation contract that’s lopsided or poorly prepared can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal complications. Any concern of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover specific properties. Because all financial information is willingly disclosed and there is no subpoena of records, your other half might possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy habits patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement might not be reasonable.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation might increase negative habits of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is supposedly a better, less contentious, less expensive and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My greatest problem with mediation is that the sole role and goal of the conciliator is to get the parties to come to a contract– any arrangement! Unless both parties can be fairly affordable and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is normally not a viable option for many ladies.

Collaborative Divorce

Basically, collaborative divorce occurs when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your partner will each work with a lawyer who has been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The role of the attorneys in a collective divorce is rather various than in a traditional divorce. Each attorney advises and helps their customer in working out a settlement contract. You will meet your attorney individually and you and your lawyer will also consult with your hubby and his lawyer. The collective procedure may also involve other neutral professionals such as a divorce financial planner who will assist both of you overcome your monetary concerns and a coach or therapist who can help guide both of you through kid custody and other mentally charged concerns.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your partner and your particular lawyers all should sign a contract that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your other half should begin all over again and find brand-new lawyers. Neither celebration can utilize the same lawyers once again!

Even if the collaborative procedure achieves success, you will typically need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the agreement. The legal process can be much quicker and less expensive than standard litigation if the collective process works.

Though, I have actually found that the collaborative approach frequently does not work well to settle divorces involving complex financial circumstances or when there are considerable assets. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary info (income, properties and liabilities) is disclosed willingly. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces include businesses and professional practices where it is fairly simple to conceal possessions and earnings.

So … as a basic guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT use any of these first three choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You suspect your hubby is concealing assets/income.
  • Your spouse is imperious, and you have difficulty speaking up or you’re afraid to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or hazard of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your other half has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce option is the most common. Nowadays, the majority of divorcing couples pick the “traditional” model of prosecuted divorce.

Bear in mind, however, “prosecuted” does not indicate the divorce winds up in court. The huge bulk of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a claim.’

Why are lawsuits a part of divorce? Due to the fact that contrary to popular belief, divorce typically does not involve 2 people equally consenting to end their marriage. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial scenario right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, considering that both approaches rely on the complete cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Plainly, if you are starting out with an adversarial and extremely emotionally charged scenario, the chances are extremely high that collaboration or mediation might fail. Why take the threat of going those paths when odds are they might stop working, squandering your time and money?

The most crucial and most tough parts of any divorce are pertaining to an agreement on child custody, department of assets and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for the length of time). You desire your lawyer to be a highly skilled negotiator, you do not desire someone who is excessively combative, all set to battle over anything and whatever. An excessively controversial approach will not only lengthen the pain and considerably increase your legal charges, it will likewise be emotionally destructive to everyone involved, especially the kids.

Remember: The majority of divorce lawyers (or at least the ones I would suggest) will always strive to come to a sensible settlement with the other celebration. But if they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other celebration is entirely unreasonable then, regrettably, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to resolve these problems.

If you have actually attempted everything else, and you do wind up in court, things can get actually nasty and hostile. Up up until that point both lawyers were “negotiators,” trying to get the parties to compromise and come to some reasonable resolution. As soon as in court, the function of each attorney modifications. Negotiations and compromise transfer to the back burner. Their new job is to “win” and get the best possible result for their client.

And don’t forget, as soon as you remain in court, it’s a judge who understands extremely little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your kids, your residential or commercial property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge risk for both celebrations to take– which’s likewise why the threat of litigating is typically such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of suggestions about divorce options: Weigh divorce options thoroughly. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is different. Certainly, if you have the ability to deal with your hubby to make decisions and both of you are honest and affordable, then mediation or the collective approach may be best. If you have doubts, it is good to be all set with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]

Back to Top