What are the 5 phases of mediation? – 2021

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The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, therefore it just follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a woman who’s pondering divorce, you have numerous alternatives about how to continue. In general terms, you need to consider 4 broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s have a look at the advantages and disadvantages of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best recommendations I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only scenario I can visualize when a Diy divorce might make any possible sense, may be in a case where the marital relationship lasted just 2 or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, comparable incomes and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce might be accomplished quite quickly and inexpensively.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral arbitrator who helps both celebrations come to an arrangement on all aspects of their divorce. Both parties still require to seek advice from with their own, specific attorneys during the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement contract.

Here are a few advantages and disadvantages to consider before deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Lead to a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband given that you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be simpler on kids because the divorce proceedings may be more tranquil.
  • Accelerate an arrangement.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce due to the fact that you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Permit more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

Nevertheless, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might likewise:

  • Lose time and money. If negotiations stop working, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the arbitrator is inexperienced or biased towards your husband, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable agreement. A mediation contract that’s uneven or poorly drafted can be challenged.
  • Result in legal problems. Any concern of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover specific assets. Considering that all financial information is voluntarily divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your hubby could potentially hide assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the last settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation could increase negative behavior of a partner with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples frequently hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is reportedly a much better, less controversial, less expensive and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant issue with mediation is that the sole role and objective of the conciliator is to get the celebrations to come to an arrangement– any arrangement! Unless both parties can be fairly reasonable and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is usually not a practical alternative for a lot of women.

Collaborative Divorce

Put simply, collective divorce takes place when a couple consents to exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collaborative divorce both you and your other half will each employ an attorney who has been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The function of the attorneys in a collaborative divorce is quite different than in a traditional divorce.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your hubby and your particular attorneys all should sign an arrangement that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this happens, both you and your other half should begin all over once again and discover brand-new attorneys. Neither celebration can utilize the same attorneys again!

Even if the collaborative procedure is successful, you will typically have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. However the legal process can be much quicker and more economical than standard litigation if the collective procedure works.

However, I have discovered that the collective approach often doesn’t work well to settle divorces including complex monetary circumstances or when there are substantial assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all financial information (earnings, properties and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. What’s more, many high net worth divorces include services and professional practices where it is fairly easy to hide possessions and earnings.

So … as a general rule, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT use any of these first 3 choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your other half is hiding assets/income.
  • Your husband is prideful, and you have trouble speaking up or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or risk of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your partner has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce alternative is the most typical. Nowadays, most of separating couples choose the “standard” model of litigated divorce.

Bear in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not imply the divorce winds up in court. The vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

Why are suits a part of divorce? Since contrary to common belief, divorce usually does not include two individuals mutually accepting end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial circumstance right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, because both techniques rely on the complete cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary details.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and extremely emotionally charged situation, the opportunities are really high that collaboration or mediation might stop working. Why take the threat of going those routes when odds are they might fail, losing your time and money?

The most important and most hard parts of any divorce are coming to a contract on kid custody, department of properties and liabilities and alimony payments (how much and for for how long). You want your lawyer to be an extremely skilled arbitrator, you do not want somebody who is extremely combative, prepared to fight over anything and everything. An excessively controversial approach will not just prolong the pain and significantly increase your legal costs, it will also be emotionally harmful to everyone included, particularly the children.

Keep in mind: A lot of divorce attorneys (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will constantly strive to come to a reasonable settlement with the other party. But if they can’t concern a sensible settlement or if the other party is completely unreasonable then, sadly, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to resolve these issues.

Up until that point both attorneys were “negotiators,” attempting to get the celebrations to jeopardize and come to some sensible resolution. When in court, the role of each lawyer modifications.

And don’t forget, when you’re in court, it’s a judge who knows extremely little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your children, your property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a huge threat for both parties to take– which’s likewise why the danger of going to court is typically such a good deterrent.

Here’s my last word of advice about divorce options: Weigh divorce alternatives carefully. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be all set with “Strategy B” which would be the litigated divorce.

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