What are the five phases of mediation? – Solent Family Mediation


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The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marriages are the same, therefore it only follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a female who’s contemplating divorce, you have several choices about how to continue. In general terms, you require to think about four broad classifications of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best guidance I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is very made complex, both legally and economically. You can easily make mistakes, and frequently those errors are permanent. The only circumstance I can visualize when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted just 2 or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, similar incomes and no alimony. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be accomplished quite quickly and inexpensively. Nevertheless, I would still extremely advise that each celebration have their own different lawyer review the last files.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral mediator who helps both parties come to an agreement on all aspects of their divorce. Both parties still require to consult with their own, individual attorneys during the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a couple of pros and cons to consider before deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a better long-term relationship with your ex-husband because you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be easier on kids since the divorce procedures may be more serene.
  • Speed up a contract.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Assist you remain in control of your divorce since you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Waste time and money. If negotiations stop working, you’ll require to begin all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly favorable to one partner. If the arbitrator is inexperienced or biased towards your other half, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable contract. A mediation contract that’s uneven or inadequately drafted can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal complications. Any concern of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover specific assets. Since all financial info is voluntarily disclosed and there is no subpoena of records, your other half could possibly hide assets/income.
  • Reinforce unhealthy habits patterns. If one spouse is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement might not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation could increase unfavorable habits of a spouse with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is reportedly a better, less controversial, cheaper and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant problem with mediation is that the sole role and goal of the mediator is to get the parties to come to a contract– any contract! Keep in mind, the arbitrator can not offer any suggestions. All they can do is try to get you to concur. Regrettably, not all arrangements are good agreements, and in fact, in most cases, no contract is better than a bad contract. Unless both celebrations can be relatively sensible and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I believe that mediation is generally not a viable choice for the majority of women.

Collaborative Divorce

Simply put, collective divorce occurs when a couple accepts work out a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your other half will each employ an attorney who has actually been trained in the collective divorce process. The role of the attorneys in a collective divorce is quite different than in a standard divorce.

In the collective process, you, your hubby and your respective lawyers all need to sign an arrangement that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this happens, both you and your partner should begin all over once again and find new attorneys. Neither party can use the same attorneys once again!

Even if the collaborative process succeeds, you will typically need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. However the legal process can be much quicker and cheaper than traditional lawsuits if the collective process works.

Though, I have actually found that the collective method typically doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complex monetary circumstances or when there are considerable properties. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary info (earnings, assets and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces involve organizations and professional practices where it is relatively simple to conceal assets and earnings.

So … as a general guideline, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first 3 alternatives– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You presume your partner is concealing assets/income.
  • Your partner is domineering, and you have trouble speaking out or you hesitate to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or threat of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your partner has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce choice is the most common. Nowadays, the majority of divorcing couples pick the “standard” design of litigated divorce.

Bear in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not mean the divorce ends up in court. In fact, the vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement arrangement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘carrying out a claim.’

In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial circumstance right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, since both approaches rely on the complete cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all financial details.

Clearly, if you are starting with an adversarial and extremely mentally charged scenario, the possibilities are extremely high that cooperation or mediation might fail. Why take the risk of going those paths when odds are they might fail, losing your time and money?

The most essential and most tough parts of any divorce are concerning an arrangement on kid custody, division of assets and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for how long). You want your lawyer to be an extremely competent arbitrator, you don’t want somebody who is extremely combative, ready to combat over anything and everything. An extremely contentious approach will not only lengthen the discomfort and substantially increase your legal costs, it will also be emotionally damaging to everyone included, particularly the kids.

Remember: Most divorce attorneys (or at least the ones I would suggest) will constantly strive to come to a reasonable settlement with the other celebration. However if they can’t come to a sensible settlement or if the other celebration is entirely unreasonable then, unfortunately, litigating, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to fix these issues.

If you have attempted everything else, and you do end up in court, things can get truly nasty and hostile. Up up until that point both lawyers were “arbitrators,” trying to get the parties to compromise and pertain to some reasonable resolution. Once in court, the function of each attorney changes. Settlements and compromise relocate to the back burner. Their new job is to “win” and get the very best possible outcome for their client.

And don’t forget, as soon as you remain in court, it’s a judge who understands extremely little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your kids, your property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a very big threat for both parties to take– and that’s also why the risk of litigating is normally such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of guidance about divorce options: Weigh divorce options thoroughly. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is different. Certainly, if you are able to deal with your other half to make decisions and both of you are honest and sensible, then mediation or the collaborative method may be best. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be ready with “Strategy B” which would be the litigated divorce.

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