What are the five phases of mediation?

Family mediation

Throughout mediation an independent, professionally skilled conciliator helps you and your ex-partner work out an agreement about problems such as:

arrangements for children after you break up (often called house or contact);.

  • child upkeep payments.
  • financial resources (for instance, what to do with your home, savings, pension, debts)

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The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marriages are the same, and so it just follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a woman who’s contemplating divorce, you have several options about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider 4 broad classifications of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best advice I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only scenario I can visualize when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, may be in a case where the marital relationship lasted just two or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce might be accomplished quite rapidly and inexpensively.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral mediator who helps both celebrations come to a contract on all aspects of their divorce. Both parties still require to consult with their own, individual attorneys throughout the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a few advantages and disadvantages to think about prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Lead to a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband considering that you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be simpler on kids given that the divorce proceedings might be more tranquil.
  • Accelerate an arrangement.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Assist you stay in control of your divorce since you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Permit more discretion. Mediation is private; prosecuted divorce is public.

Nevertheless, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might also:

  • Waste time and cash. If negotiations fail, you’ll require to start all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the mediator is unskilled or biased towards your spouse, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable contract. A mediation arrangement that’s lopsided or poorly drafted can be challenged.
  • Cause legal problems. Any problem of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover particular assets. Since all monetary info is willingly divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your partner could potentially hide assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is controling and the other is submissive, the last settlement may not be reasonable.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation could increase negative behavior of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a better, less contentious, less costly and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My biggest issue with mediation is that the sole function and objective of the mediator is to get the celebrations to come to an agreement– any agreement! Unless both celebrations can be relatively reasonable and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I believe that mediation is generally not a feasible alternative for most females.

Collaborative Divorce

Put simply, collaborative divorce occurs when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

During a collaborative divorce both you and your hubby will each employ an attorney who has been trained in the collective divorce process. The role of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is rather various than in a standard divorce. Each lawyer advises and helps their client in negotiating a settlement arrangement. You will consult with your lawyer separately and you and your lawyer will likewise meet with your other half and his attorney. The collaborative procedure might likewise involve other neutral specialists such as a divorce monetary organizer who will assist both of you work through your financial problems and a coach or therapist who can help direct both of you through child custody and other emotionally charged problems.

In the collaborative process, you, your other half and your respective attorneys all should sign an agreement that needs that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your hubby must begin all over again and discover new attorneys. Neither party can use the exact same lawyers once again!

Even if the collective procedure achieves success, you will normally have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the agreement. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less pricey than conventional lawsuits if the collective process works.

Sadly, however, I have actually discovered that the collective technique typically doesn’t work well to settle divorces including complex financial situations or when there are considerable possessions. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all financial information (earnings, assets and liabilities) is revealed voluntarily. Typically the other half controls the “bag strings,” and the wife is generally uninformed of the information of their monetary situation. When this kind of inequality exists, the door is often wide open for the hubby to conceal assets. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces include businesses and expert practices where it is reasonably easy to conceal properties and earnings. Additionally, the problem of appraisal can be quite controversial.

… as a basic guideline, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first 3 options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your husband is concealing assets/income.
  • Your husband is domineering, and you have trouble speaking up or you hesitate to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or threat of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your other half has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce choice is the most typical. Nowadays, most of separating couples choose the “traditional” design of litigated divorce.

Keep in mind, however, “litigated” does not mean the divorce winds up in court. The large bulk of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement arrangement. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a suit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, develops an adversarial scenario right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, because both techniques rely on the complete cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all financial info.

Clearly, if you are starting out with an adversarial and highly mentally charged circumstance, the opportunities are really high that collaboration or mediation might stop working. Why take the danger of going those routes when odds are they might fail, losing your time and money?

The most essential and most challenging parts of any divorce are pertaining to an arrangement on child custody, division of assets and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for how long). You desire your attorney to be a highly skilled arbitrator, you do not desire somebody who is excessively combative, all set to combat over anything and everything. An excessively contentious approach will not just prolong the discomfort and significantly increase your legal fees, it will also be emotionally damaging to everyone included, specifically the kids.

Keep in mind: The majority of divorce attorneys (or at least the ones I would recommend) will constantly make every effort to come to an affordable settlement with the other party. If they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, regrettably, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to deal with these issues.

If you have actually tried whatever else, and you do end up in court, things can get really nasty and hostile. Up up until that point both lawyers were “mediators,” trying to get the celebrations to jeopardize and pertain to some affordable resolution. Once in court, the role of each attorney modifications. Negotiations and compromise move to the back burner. Their brand-new job is to “win” and get the very best possible outcome for their customer.

And don’t forget, as soon as you’re in court, it’s a judge who knows really little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your children, your residential or commercial property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a huge risk for both celebrations to take– and that’s also why the danger of going to court is usually such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of recommendations about divorce options: Weigh divorce choices carefully. If you have doubts, it is great to be ready with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

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