What are the five stages of divorce? – Solent Family Mediation

If you are at the point of separation, or you are currently separated or divorced, mediation may help you focus on the future.

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The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marriages are the same, therefore it just follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a woman who’s contemplating divorce, you have numerous options about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider four broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the benefits and drawbacks of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best guidance I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is extremely complicated, both legally and economically. You can quickly make mistakes, and typically those mistakes are irreversible. The only scenario I can picture when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted only two or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce could be accomplished quite rapidly and cheaply. I would still highly recommend that each party have their own different attorney evaluation the final documents.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral conciliator who assists both celebrations come to an arrangement on all elements of their divorce. Both celebrations still need to seek advice from with their own, private lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a few benefits and drawbacks to think about prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband considering that you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be easier on kids because the divorce proceedings may be more serene.
  • Expedite an arrangement.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce since you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Permit more discretion. Mediation is private; litigated divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Waste time and money. If settlements fail, you’ll require to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the conciliator is inexperienced or biased towards your other half, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable agreement. A mediation contract that’s lopsided or badly drafted can be challenged.
  • Cause legal complications. Any issue of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to reveal certain possessions. Since all monetary info is voluntarily divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your partner could possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy habits patterns. If one spouse is controling and the other is submissive, the last settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation might increase unfavorable behavior of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically become aware of the wonders of mediation and how it is reportedly a much better, less contentious, cheaper and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant problem with mediation is that the sole function and objective of the mediator is to get the parties to come to a contract– any agreement! Keep in mind, the mediator can not provide any advice. All they can do is try to get you to concur. Sadly, not all contracts are excellent contracts, and in fact, in many cases, no agreement is much better than a bad contract. Unless both parties can be fairly sensible and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I believe that mediation is typically not a viable choice for most ladies.

Collaborative Divorce

Put simply, collaborative divorce occurs when a couple agrees to work out a divorce settlement without litigating.

During a collective divorce both you and your husband will each hire a lawyer who has actually been trained in the collective divorce process. The role of the attorneys in a collaborative divorce is rather various than in a traditional divorce. Each attorney recommends and assists their client in working out a settlement arrangement. You will consult with your attorney individually and you and your lawyer will likewise consult with your spouse and his attorney. The collective process might likewise include other neutral experts such as a divorce monetary planner who will assist both of you resolve your financial issues and a coach or therapist who can help guide both of you through kid custody and other mentally charged issues.

In the collaborative process, you, your other half and your respective lawyers all should sign an arrangement that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this happens, both you and your husband should begin all over once again and discover brand-new attorneys. Neither party can use the same lawyers once again!

Even if the collective procedure succeeds, you will typically have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the agreement. However the legal process can be much quicker and more economical than traditional lawsuits if the collective process works.

However, I have discovered that the collaborative method typically doesn’t work well to settle divorces including complex monetary scenarios or when there are considerable assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary details (income, assets and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces involve services and professional practices where it is reasonably easy to conceal assets and earnings.

So … as a general guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first three alternatives– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your partner is concealing assets/income.
  • Your hubby is domineering, and you have problem speaking out or you hesitate to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your hubby has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce choice is the most typical. Nowadays, most of divorcing couples pick the “traditional” model of prosecuted divorce.

Bear in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not indicate the divorce winds up in court. In fact, the vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial scenario right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, since both approaches rely on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all financial information.

Clearly, if you are starting with an adversarial and highly mentally charged situation, the possibilities are really high that partnership or mediation might stop working. Why take the danger of going those routes when odds are they might fail, squandering your time and money?

The most important and most tough parts of any divorce are pertaining to a contract on kid custody, department of assets and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for how long). You desire your lawyer to be a highly experienced arbitrator, you don’t desire somebody who is extremely combative, prepared to fight over anything and whatever. An extremely controversial method will not only lengthen the discomfort and significantly increase your legal costs, it will likewise be emotionally destructive to everyone included, specifically the children.

Remember: The majority of divorce lawyers (or a minimum of the ones I would advise) will always strive to come to a sensible settlement with the other party. If they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, sadly, going to court, or threatening to do so, may be the only method to resolve these problems.

If you have actually attempted whatever else, and you do end up in court, things can get truly nasty and hostile. Up up until that point both lawyers were “negotiators,” attempting to get the parties to jeopardize and concern some affordable resolution. But once in court, the function of each attorney changes. Settlements and compromise transfer to the back burner. Their brand-new task is to “win” and get the very best possible result for their client.

And do not forget, as soon as you’re in court, it’s a judge who understands really little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your children, your residential or commercial property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge risk for both celebrations to take– and that’s also why the hazard of going to court is normally such a good deterrent.

Here’s my last word of guidance about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce options thoroughly. If you have doubts, it is good to be prepared with “Plan B” which would be the litigated divorce.

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