What happens in marriage mediation? – Solent Family Mediation


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Our family mediation service is quicker and more cost-effective than heading to court. It decreases dispute, and your family stays in control of plans over kids, property and finance.

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The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marriages are the same, and so it just follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a woman who’s considering divorce, you have numerous alternatives about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to consider four broad categories of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the benefits and drawbacks of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best guidance I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only situation I can visualize when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted just 2 or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce might be accomplished rather quickly and cheaply.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral arbitrator who helps both celebrations come to a contract on all aspects of their divorce. Both celebrations still need to consult with their own, private attorneys throughout the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a few pros and cons to think about before choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Result in a better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband given that you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be simpler on children since the divorce procedures might be more serene.
  • Speed up a contract.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Assist you stay in control of your divorce because you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is private; litigated divorce is public.

However, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might likewise:

  • Lose time and money. If settlements fail, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the arbitrator is inexperienced or prejudiced towards your husband, the outcome could be undesirable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable agreement. A mediation agreement that’s lopsided or inadequately prepared can be challenged.
  • Cause legal issues. Any concern of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover particular possessions. Given that all monetary details is voluntarily revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your hubby might potentially conceal assets/income.
  • Reinforce unhealthy habits patterns. If one spouse is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement might not be reasonable.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation might increase negative behavior of a partner with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically hear about the marvels of mediation and how it is apparently a better, less contentious, less pricey and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My greatest problem with mediation is that the sole function and objective of the conciliator is to get the celebrations to come to a contract– any contract! Unless both parties can be fairly sensible and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is usually not a feasible option for most women.

Collaborative Divorce

Put simply, collaborative divorce takes place when a couple agrees to work out a divorce settlement without going to court.

Throughout a collaborative divorce both you and your hubby will each work with a lawyer who has been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The role of the attorneys in a collective divorce is rather different than in a traditional divorce. Each attorney recommends and helps their client in working out a settlement contract. You will consult with your lawyer independently and you and your lawyer will also consult with your spouse and his attorney. The collaborative procedure may likewise include other neutral professionals such as a divorce financial planner who will assist both of you resolve your monetary issues and a coach or therapist who can assist assist both of you through kid custody and other emotionally charged problems.

In the collective procedure, you, your hubby and your respective lawyers all need to sign a contract that requires that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your hubby need to start all over once again and find new lawyers. Neither celebration can utilize the very same attorneys once again!

Even if the collaborative procedure achieves success, you will generally have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the contract. The legal process can be much quicker and less pricey than conventional lawsuits if the collaborative procedure works.

Though, I have found that the collaborative technique frequently doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complex financial scenarios or when there are considerable assets. In collaborative divorce, simply as in mediation, all financial information (income, properties and liabilities) is disclosed willingly. What’s more, many high net worth divorces include businesses and professional practices where it is relatively easy to conceal properties and earnings.

… as a basic guideline, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT use any of these first 3 choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You believe your other half is hiding assets/income.
  • Your spouse is domineering, and you have trouble speaking out or you hesitate to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or hazard of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your hubby has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce choice is the most typical. These days, most of divorcing couples choose the “conventional” model of prosecuted divorce.

Keep in mind, however, “prosecuted” does not suggest the divorce ends up in court. In fact, the large majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one party desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, develops an adversarial circumstance right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, given that both methods rely on the complete cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all financial info.

Clearly, if you are starting out with an adversarial and highly emotionally charged scenario, the opportunities are extremely high that collaboration or mediation may stop working. Why take the threat of going those paths when odds are they might fail, wasting your money and time?

The most important and most difficult parts of any divorce are coming to an arrangement on kid custody, department of possessions and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for the length of time). You want your lawyer to be an extremely competent mediator, you do not want somebody who is overly combative, prepared to combat over anything and whatever. An excessively controversial method will not just extend the pain and significantly increase your legal charges, it will likewise be mentally detrimental to everybody involved, specifically the children.

Keep in mind: Many divorce attorneys (or at least the ones I would advise) will always aim to come to an affordable settlement with the other party. But if they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other party is totally unreasonable then, sadly, litigating, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to resolve these concerns.

Up till that point both lawyers were “arbitrators,” attempting to get the parties to compromise and come to some reasonable resolution. When in court, the role of each lawyer modifications.

And don’t forget, as soon as you’re in court, it’s a judge who knows extremely little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your kids, your residential or commercial property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a very big threat for both celebrations to take– which’s also why the hazard of litigating is normally such a good deterrent.

Here’s my last word of guidance about divorce options: Weigh divorce choices carefully. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is various. Undoubtedly, if you are able to deal with your spouse to make decisions and both of you are truthful and sensible, then mediation or the collective approach might be best. If you have doubts, it is great to be ready with “Plan B” which would be the litigated divorce.

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