What makes an effective mediation? – Solent Family Mediation


Solent Family Mediation help families in conflict, specifically those divorcing or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more cost-efficient than heading to court. It minimizes dispute, and your family stays in control of arrangements over kids, property and finance.

We work right across England and Wales and our family mediation service has over thirty years’ experience providing professional, professional family mediation services.

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The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, therefore it only follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a female who’s considering divorce, you have several options about how to continue. In general terms, you need to think about 4 broad classifications of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s have a look at the advantages and disadvantages of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best suggestions I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is extremely complicated, both lawfully and economically. You can quickly make errors, and typically those errors are permanent. The only scenario I can imagine when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only two or 3 years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, comparable earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be achieved quite quickly and inexpensively. Nonetheless, I would still highly suggest that each celebration have their own separate attorney evaluation the final documents.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral conciliator who assists both celebrations come to a contract on all elements of their divorce. Both parties still need to consult with their own, private attorneys throughout the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a few benefits and drawbacks to think about prior to choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a much better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be simpler on kids since the divorce procedures may be more serene.
  • Speed up an agreement.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Assist you remain in control of your divorce due to the fact that you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Waste time and money. If settlements fail, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly favorable to one partner. If the mediator is inexperienced or biased towards your other half, the result could be unfavorable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable contract. A mediation contract that’s lopsided or inadequately drafted can be challenged.
  • Cause legal problems. Any issue of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to reveal specific properties. Since all monetary info is willingly divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your partner might potentially conceal assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy behavior patterns. If one spouse is controling and the other is submissive, the final settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation could increase negative behavior of a spouse with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples frequently hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a much better, less contentious, less expensive and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant issue with mediation is that the sole role and goal of the mediator is to get the celebrations to come to a contract– any agreement! Unless both celebrations can be fairly affordable and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is usually not a viable alternative for a lot of women.

Collective Divorce

Basically, collective divorce happens when a couple consents to work out a divorce settlement without going to court.

During a collective divorce both you and your partner will each work with an attorney who has been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The function of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is quite various than in a traditional divorce. Each attorney encourages and assists their client in working out a settlement arrangement. You will meet with your lawyer independently and you and your attorney will also meet your other half and his attorney. The collaborative process might likewise involve other neutral specialists such as a divorce financial organizer who will help both of you resolve your monetary concerns and a coach or therapist who can assist assist both of you through child custody and other mentally charged concerns.

In the collective process, you, your spouse and your respective lawyers all need to sign an agreement that requires that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your spouse must begin all over again and find new attorneys. Neither celebration can utilize the same lawyers again!

Even if the collaborative process achieves success, you will usually have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the contract. But the legal process can be much quicker and less costly than standard lawsuits if the collaborative procedure works.

However, I have actually found that the collective approach typically does not work well to settle divorces involving complicated monetary circumstances or when there are substantial possessions. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary info (earnings, possessions and liabilities) is revealed willingly. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces include companies and professional practices where it is fairly simple to conceal possessions and earnings.

So … as a general guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these first 3 options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You presume your partner is concealing assets/income.
  • Your husband is imperious, and you have difficulty speaking up or you hesitate to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or hazard of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your husband has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce option is the most common. These days, the majority of separating couples pick the “traditional” model of litigated divorce.

Keep in mind, though, “litigated” does not suggest the divorce winds up in court. The large majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

Why are claims a part of divorce? Due to the fact that contrary to common belief, divorce typically does not involve two people mutually agreeing to end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial scenario right from the start and typically disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, since both techniques count on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all financial details.

Clearly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and highly mentally charged circumstance, the possibilities are very high that collaboration or mediation may fail. Why take the risk of going those paths when odds are they might stop working, wasting your time and money?

The most essential and most tough parts of any divorce are coming to an arrangement on kid custody, division of properties and liabilities and spousal support payments (how much and for how long). Although you desire your lawyer to be a highly competent arbitrator, you do not desire somebody who is excessively combative, prepared to combat over anything and everything. An extremely controversial approach will not just extend the pain and substantially increase your legal charges, it will likewise be mentally destructive to everyone involved, particularly the kids.

Keep in mind: The majority of divorce attorneys (or a minimum of the ones I would advise) will constantly aim to come to a sensible settlement with the other celebration. If they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, unfortunately, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to solve these issues.

If you have attempted whatever else, and you do wind up in court, things can get truly nasty and hostile. Up until that point both lawyers were “arbitrators,” attempting to get the celebrations to compromise and come to some affordable resolution. When in court, the function of each attorney modifications. Negotiations and compromise transfer to the back burner. Their new task is to “win” and get the best possible outcome for their customer.

And don’t forget, once you remain in court, it’s a judge who knows very little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your children, your home, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge risk for both celebrations to take– which’s also why the hazard of litigating is generally such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of advice about divorce options: Weigh divorce alternatives carefully. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be ready with “Strategy B” which would be the litigated divorce.

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