What occurs in a mediation? – 2021

Solent Family Mediation help families in conflict, specifically those separating or separating. Whatever the issues, our knowledge will assist you settle them

[su_button url=”https://solentfamilymediation.co.uk/contact-us” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, therefore it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a lady who’s pondering divorce, you have a number of options about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider 4 broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best recommendations I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only circumstance I can imagine when a Do-It-Yourself divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted only 2 or three years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, comparable earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce could be accomplished rather quickly and cheaply.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple deals with a neutral conciliator who helps both celebrations pertain to an arrangement on all elements of their divorce. The conciliator might or may not be a lawyer, but he/she needs to be exceptionally fluent in divorce and family law. In addition, it is critical for the conciliator to be neutral and not advocate for either celebration. Both celebrations still require to speak with their own, private lawyers during the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a couple of pros and cons to consider prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband because you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be much easier on kids because the divorce procedures may be more serene.
  • Accelerate an arrangement.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Help you stay in control of your divorce because you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Lose time and money. If settlements fail, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the arbitrator is unskilled or biased towards your spouse, the outcome could be undesirable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation arrangement that’s lopsided or badly drafted can be challenged.
  • Result in legal issues. Any issue of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover specific assets. Considering that all monetary info is willingly revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your hubby might potentially hide assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy habits patterns. If one spouse is dominating and the other is submissive, the last settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation could increase negative behavior of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is supposedly a much better, less contentious, less pricey and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant issue with mediation is that the sole function and objective of the mediator is to get the celebrations to come to an agreement– any agreement! Unless both parties can be relatively sensible and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is normally not a feasible alternative for many ladies.

Collective Divorce

Basically, collaborative divorce occurs when a couple accepts work out a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your other half will each employ an attorney who has actually been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The function of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is quite various than in a traditional divorce.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your hubby and your particular attorneys all should sign an arrangement that requires that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your partner need to begin all over once again and find new attorneys. Neither party can use the same lawyers again!

Even if the collective process achieves success, you will usually need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the contract. The legal process can be much quicker and less costly than standard litigation if the collective procedure works.

Sadly, though, I have actually discovered that the collective technique typically does not work well to settle divorces including complicated monetary scenarios or when there are significant assets. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all financial information (income, properties and liabilities) is divulged willingly. Typically the partner manages the “purse strings,” and the other half is generally unaware of the details of their financial circumstance. When this sort of inequality exists, the door is typically wide open for the other half to conceal properties. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces include services and expert practices where it is relatively simple to hide properties and earnings. In addition, the problem of appraisal can be rather contentious.

So … as a basic guideline, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT use any of these very first 3 alternatives– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You believe your husband is hiding assets/income.
  • Your other half is aggressive, and you have problem speaking up or you hesitate to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your partner has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce alternative is the most typical. Nowadays, the majority of separating couples pick the “traditional” model of litigated divorce.

Remember, though, “litigated” does not indicate the divorce winds up in court. The large majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

Why are claims a part of divorce? Since contrary to popular belief, divorce generally does not involve 2 individuals equally agreeing to end their marriage. In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one party desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial scenario right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, because both methods depend on the complete cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all financial info.

Clearly, if you are starting with an adversarial and extremely mentally charged situation, the possibilities are very high that cooperation or mediation might stop working. Why take the threat of going those paths when odds are they might fail, squandering your money and time?

The most important and most difficult parts of any divorce are coming to an arrangement on child custody, division of assets and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for the length of time). Although you desire your attorney to be an extremely skilled mediator, you do not desire someone who is extremely combative, ready to eliminate over anything and everything. An overly contentious technique will not just extend the discomfort and substantially increase your legal fees, it will likewise be emotionally harmful to everyone included, specifically the children.

Keep in mind: Most divorce lawyers (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will constantly strive to come to a reasonable settlement with the other celebration. If they can’t come to a sensible settlement or if the other celebration is completely unreasonable then, regrettably, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to fix these issues.

If you have actually attempted whatever else, and you do end up in court, things can get truly nasty and hostile. Up till that point both attorneys were “arbitrators,” trying to get the parties to compromise and pertain to some affordable resolution. Once in court, the role of each lawyer modifications. Settlements and compromise move to the back burner. Their new task is to “win” and get the best possible result for their client.

And do not forget, as soon as you remain in court, it’s a judge who knows really little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your children, your residential or commercial property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a very big risk for both celebrations to take– which’s also why the hazard of litigating is typically such a good deterrent.

Here’s my last word of suggestions about divorce options: Weigh divorce choices carefully. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is various. Undoubtedly, if you have the ability to deal with your other half to make decisions and both of you are sincere and affordable, then mediation or the collaborative approach might be best. But, if you have doubts, it is excellent to be all set with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]

Back to Top