What should I do before mediation?


Solent Family Mediation assist families in conflict, specifically those separating or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more economical than heading to court. It decreases dispute, and your household remains in control of plans over children, property and finance.

We work right across England and Wales and our family mediation service has over thirty years’ experience offering expert, professional family mediation services.

[su_button url=”https://solentfamilymediation.co.uk/contact-us” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, and so it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a lady who’s contemplating divorce, you have numerous choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to consider 4 broad classifications of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s have a look at the pros and cons of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best guidance I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is extremely made complex, both lawfully and financially. You can quickly make errors, and frequently those errors are irreversible. The only situation I can visualize when a Diy divorce might make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted only two or 3 years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent earnings and no alimony. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be accomplished rather rapidly and cheaply. I would still extremely suggest that each celebration have their own separate attorney review the final files.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple deals with a neutral arbitrator who helps both celebrations concern a contract on all elements of their divorce. The arbitrator might or might not be a lawyer, however he/she should be incredibly skilled in divorce and family law. In addition, it is vital for the mediator to be neutral and not advocate for either celebration. Both parties still need to talk to their own, private lawyers during the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a few pros and cons to think about before deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband considering that you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be simpler on kids because the divorce procedures might be more tranquil.
  • Accelerate an arrangement.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Assist you remain in control of your divorce because you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

Nevertheless, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might likewise:

  • Waste time and money. If settlements fail, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one spouse. If the mediator is unskilled or biased towards your other half, the outcome could be undesirable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable agreement. A mediation contract that’s uneven or badly prepared can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal issues. Any issue of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover certain possessions. Because all monetary info is voluntarily divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your partner could potentially conceal assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy habits patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the last settlement might not be fair.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation could increase unfavorable behavior of a partner with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples frequently hear about the marvels of mediation and how it is reportedly a better, less controversial, less costly and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My biggest issue with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the arbitrator is to get the celebrations to come to a contract– any agreement! Unless both parties can be fairly sensible and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is generally not a practical option for many females.

Collaborative Divorce

Put simply, collaborative divorce takes place when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collaborative divorce both you and your hubby will each hire a lawyer who has been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The function of the attorneys in a collective divorce is rather different than in a traditional divorce.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your spouse and your particular attorneys all need to sign an agreement that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this happens, both you and your hubby should begin all over once again and discover new lawyers. Neither celebration can use the exact same attorneys once again!

Even if the collaborative process is successful, you will normally need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. However the legal process can be much quicker and more economical than conventional litigation if the collaborative procedure works.

Though, I have actually found that the collective technique typically doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complicated monetary scenarios or when there are considerable assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all financial details (earnings, properties and liabilities) is divulged willingly. Typically the hubby controls the “purse strings,” and the wife is usually unaware of the details of their monetary circumstance. When this type of inequality exists, the door is often wide open for the hubby to conceal properties. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces involve businesses and professional practices where it is reasonably easy to conceal properties and income. Additionally, the problem of assessment can be rather contentious.

So … as a basic rule, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these first three options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You believe your husband is hiding assets/income.
  • Your spouse is domineering, and you have trouble speaking out or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or risk of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your spouse has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce alternative is the most common. Nowadays, the majority of divorcing couples pick the “conventional” model of litigated divorce.

Keep in mind, however, “litigated” does not suggest the divorce winds up in court. The large bulk of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Lawsuits” is a legal term significance ‘performing a claim.’

Why are lawsuits a part of divorce? Since contrary to popular belief, divorce typically does not include 2 people mutually agreeing to end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial circumstance right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, because both approaches count on the full cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary details.

Clearly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and highly emotionally charged circumstance, the opportunities are very high that collaboration or mediation might stop working. Why take the risk of going those routes when chances are they might stop working, losing your time and money?

The most essential and most tough parts of any divorce are pertaining to a contract on child custody, department of properties and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for how long). You want your lawyer to be an extremely skilled mediator, you don’t desire somebody who is excessively combative, all set to fight over anything and whatever. An excessively contentious method will not just lengthen the discomfort and significantly increase your legal fees, it will likewise be mentally detrimental to everybody involved, particularly the children.

Keep in mind: A lot of divorce attorneys (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will constantly strive to come to a sensible settlement with the other celebration. But if they can’t come to a reasonable settlement or if the other celebration is entirely unreasonable then, regrettably, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to fix these issues.

Up until that point both attorneys were “mediators,” attempting to get the celebrations to compromise and come to some sensible resolution. When in court, the role of each lawyer changes.

And don’t forget, as soon as you’re in court, it’s a judge who knows really little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your children, your residential or commercial property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a very big danger for both parties to take– and that’s likewise why the risk of going to court is typically such a great deterrent.

Here’s my last word of recommendations about divorce options: Weigh divorce choices carefully. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is various. Undoubtedly, if you have the ability to deal with your partner to make decisions and both of you are honest and sensible, then mediation or the collaborative approach may be best. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be ready with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]

Back to Top