If you are at the point of separation, or you are currently separated or separated, mediation might help you concentrate on the future.

[su_button url=”https://solentfamilymediation.co.uk/contact-us” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, therefore it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a woman who’s pondering divorce, you have a number of options about how to continue. In general terms, you need to consider four broad classifications of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the benefits and drawbacks of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best advice I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only situation I can envision when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted just 2 or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent earnings and no alimony. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce might be accomplished rather rapidly and cheaply.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral arbitrator who helps both parties pertain to a contract on all elements of their divorce. The conciliator may or might not be a lawyer, however he/she needs to be very fluent in divorce and family law. In addition, it is crucial for the conciliator to be neutral and not advocate for either party. Both celebrations still need to speak with their own, private lawyers during the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement contract.

Here are a few advantages and disadvantages to think about before deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband given that you will not “fight” in court.
  • Be much easier on kids because the divorce proceedings might be more peaceful.
  • Accelerate an arrangement.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce because you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Waste time and cash. If negotiations stop working, you’ll require to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one spouse. If the arbitrator is inexperienced or prejudiced towards your partner, the result could be undesirable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation arrangement that’s uneven or poorly prepared can be challenged.
  • Cause legal complications. Any issue of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover specific assets. Since all monetary information is willingly disclosed and there is no subpoena of records, your other half might possibly hide assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is controling and the other is submissive, the final settlement might not be reasonable.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation might increase unfavorable habits of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is supposedly a better, less controversial, less costly and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My biggest issue with mediation is that the sole role and goal of the conciliator is to get the parties to come to a contract– any arrangement! Keep in mind, the conciliator can not give any guidance. All they can do is attempt to get you to agree. Not all arrangements are excellent contracts, and in fact, in numerous cases, no arrangement is much better than a bad arrangement. So unless both celebrations can be relatively reasonable and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is typically not a feasible alternative for most ladies.

Collaborative Divorce

Put simply, collaborative divorce takes place when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collaborative divorce both you and your spouse will each hire a lawyer who has been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The role of the attorneys in a collective divorce is quite different than in a traditional divorce. Each attorney encourages and assists their customer in negotiating a settlement contract. You will meet with your attorney separately and you and your attorney will likewise consult with your hubby and his attorney. The collaborative procedure might likewise include other neutral specialists such as a divorce monetary coordinator who will assist both of you work through your financial problems and a coach or therapist who can help guide both of you through child custody and other emotionally charged issues.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your other half and your particular attorneys all must sign an agreement that requires that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your husband should begin all over once again and discover brand-new lawyers. Neither party can use the exact same lawyers again!

Even if the collaborative procedure succeeds, you will typically need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. However the legal process can be much quicker and more economical than standard lawsuits if the collaborative procedure works.

However, I have actually found that the collective method typically does not work well to settle divorces involving complicated financial situations or when there are substantial possessions. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary details (income, assets and liabilities) is revealed willingly. Often the other half controls the “bag strings,” and the better half is typically unaware of the details of their monetary situation. When this kind of inequality exists, the door is frequently wide open for the hubby to conceal possessions. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces include services and expert practices where it is relatively easy to hide assets and income. Additionally, the problem of evaluation can be quite controversial.

… as a general guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT use any of these first three choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your husband is hiding assets/income.
  • Your spouse is imperious, and you have trouble speaking up or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or hazard of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your hubby has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce alternative is the most common. These days, the majority of divorcing couples choose the “standard” model of litigated divorce.

Bear in mind, however, “prosecuted” does not indicate the divorce winds up in court. The large bulk of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a suit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, develops an adversarial situation right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, considering that both approaches rely on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all financial details.

Plainly, if you are starting out with an adversarial and extremely emotionally charged situation, the chances are really high that cooperation or mediation may stop working. Why take the threat of going those routes when chances are they might fail, squandering your money and time?

The most important and most hard parts of any divorce are coming to an agreement on kid custody, division of properties and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for for how long). Although you want your attorney to be an extremely skilled arbitrator, you do not desire somebody who is extremely combative, all set to fight over anything and everything. An extremely controversial approach will not only prolong the pain and substantially increase your legal costs, it will also be emotionally harmful to everybody included, particularly the children.

Keep in mind: The majority of divorce attorneys (or at least the ones I would suggest) will constantly make every effort to come to an affordable settlement with the other celebration. If they can’t come to a sensible settlement or if the other celebration is entirely unreasonable then, unfortunately, going to court, or threatening to do so, may be the only way to deal with these problems.

Up till that point both lawyers were “mediators,” attempting to get the celebrations to compromise and come to some affordable resolution. Once in court, the function of each lawyer modifications.

And don’t forget, as soon as you’re in court, it’s a judge who knows very little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your kids, your property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a very big danger for both parties to take– which’s likewise why the danger of going to court is generally such a good deterrent.

Here’s my last word of advice about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce choices carefully. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is various. Undoubtedly, if you have the ability to deal with your husband to make decisions and both of you are sincere and affordable, then mediation or the collaborative approach may be best. If you have doubts, it is great to be all set with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]