When should you not use mediation?


Solent Family Mediation assist households in conflict, specifically those separating or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more economical than heading to court. It lowers conflict, and your household stays in control of plans over children, residential or commercial property and financing.

We work right across England and Wales and our family mediation service has more than thirty years’ experience offering professional, professional family mediation services.

[su_button url=”https://solentfamilymediation.co.uk/contact-us” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, therefore it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a female who’s contemplating divorce, you have several choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider 4 broad categories of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best guidance I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is extremely made complex, both legally and financially. You can quickly make mistakes, and typically those mistakes are irreversible. The only circumstance I can visualize when a Diy divorce might make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted just two or 3 years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, comparable earnings and no alimony. In a case like that, a Diy divorce could be accomplished quite quickly and inexpensively. Nevertheless, I would still extremely suggest that each party have their own different lawyer review the final documents.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral conciliator who helps both celebrations come to an agreement on all elements of their divorce. Both celebrations still need to consult with their own, specific attorneys during the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a few pros and cons to consider before choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Result in a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be much easier on kids since the divorce procedures might be more serene.
  • Speed up an arrangement.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Assist you stay in control of your divorce because you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

However, on the “con” side, divorce mediation may also:

  • Waste time and money. If settlements fail, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly favorable to one partner. If the arbitrator is inexperienced or prejudiced towards your husband, the result could be undesirable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable contract. A mediation arrangement that’s lopsided or improperly drafted can be challenged.
  • Result in legal issues. Any concern of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover specific possessions. Given that all financial information is voluntarily disclosed and there is no subpoena of records, your partner could possibly hide assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy behavior patterns. If one spouse is dominating and the other is submissive, the last settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation could increase unfavorable behavior of a partner with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically become aware of the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a much better, less controversial, less expensive and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant problem with mediation is that the sole function and objective of the conciliator is to get the parties to come to a contract– any agreement! Remember, the mediator can not provide any guidance. All they can do is try to get you to agree. Not all arrangements are excellent contracts, and in fact, in numerous cases, no contract is much better than a bad contract. So unless both parties can be fairly affordable and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is generally not a feasible choice for the majority of ladies.

Collective Divorce

Basically, collective divorce happens when a couple accepts work out a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your spouse will each employ an attorney who has actually been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The role of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is rather various than in a standard divorce. Each attorney encourages and helps their customer in negotiating a settlement agreement. You will meet your lawyer independently and you and your attorney will likewise meet your partner and his lawyer. The collective process might likewise involve other neutral professionals such as a divorce financial planner who will help both of you resolve your financial concerns and a coach or therapist who can assist guide both of you through child custody and other emotionally charged issues.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your partner and your respective attorneys all need to sign a contract that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your other half must start all over again and find new lawyers. Neither celebration can utilize the exact same attorneys once again!

Even if the collective process succeeds, you will generally have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less expensive than conventional lawsuits if the collaborative process works.

Though, I have found that the collaborative technique frequently doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complicated financial situations or when there are considerable assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary details (income, properties and liabilities) is disclosed voluntarily. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces include businesses and professional practices where it is fairly easy to hide possessions and earnings.

… as a basic rule, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first three choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You believe your hubby is concealing assets/income.
  • Your partner is imperious, and you have difficulty speaking up or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or threat of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your partner has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce alternative is the most typical. These days, the majority of divorcing couples select the “conventional” model of litigated divorce.

Keep in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not suggest the divorce ends up in court. In fact, the huge majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘carrying out a claim.’

Why are suits a part of divorce? Because contrary to popular belief, divorce generally does not include 2 individuals equally agreeing to end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one party desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, develops an adversarial situation right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, given that both approaches count on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and highly mentally charged circumstance, the possibilities are extremely high that partnership or mediation might stop working. Why take the danger of going those routes when odds are they might stop working, squandering your time and money?

The most crucial and most difficult parts of any divorce are concerning an agreement on kid custody, department of possessions and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for how long). Although you want your lawyer to be an extremely competent mediator, you do not want someone who is extremely combative, all set to combat over anything and whatever. An extremely controversial technique will not just lengthen the pain and significantly increase your legal fees, it will likewise be mentally damaging to everybody included, specifically the children.

Keep in mind: Many divorce attorneys (or a minimum of the ones I would advise) will always make every effort to come to an affordable settlement with the other party. If they can’t come to a sensible settlement or if the other party is totally unreasonable then, regrettably, going to court, or threatening to do so, may be the only method to solve these problems.

If you have actually attempted whatever else, and you do end up in court, things can get truly nasty and hostile. Up up until that point both lawyers were “mediators,” trying to get the parties to compromise and come to some reasonable resolution. As soon as in court, the role of each lawyer changes. Settlements and compromise move to the back burner. Their brand-new job is to “win” and get the very best possible outcome for their client.

And don’t forget, as soon as you’re in court, it’s a judge who understands very little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your kids, your residential or commercial property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a very big risk for both parties to take– and that’s also why the risk of litigating is typically such a good deterrent.

Here’s my last word of advice about divorce options: Weigh divorce options thoroughly. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is various. Clearly, if you are able to deal with your spouse to make decisions and both of you are honest and sensible, then mediation or the collaborative approach may be best. But, if you have doubts, it is great to be all set with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]

Back to Top