Why leaving is the greatest mistake in a divorce? – Solent Family Mediation

Family mediation

During mediation an independent, expertly experienced conciliator helps you and your ex-partner exercise an agreement about concerns such as:

plans for children after you break up (in some cases called residence or contact);.

  • child upkeep payments.
  • financial resources (for example, what to do with your home, savings, pension, financial obligations)

[su_button url=”https://solentfamilymediation.co.uk/contact-us” style=”3d” size=”4″ wide=”yes”]Arrange a Call Back[/su_button]

The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, and so it just follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a female who’s considering divorce, you have a number of alternatives about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to think about four broad categories of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s have a look at the pros and cons of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best recommendations I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only scenario I can picture when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, may be in a case where the marriage lasted only 2 or 3 years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent incomes and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be accomplished quite quickly and inexpensively.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral mediator who helps both parties come to an arrangement on all aspects of their divorce. Both parties still need to consult with their own, specific lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a couple of benefits and drawbacks to think about before choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “pro” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Lead to a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband because you will not “fight” in court.
  • Be simpler on children considering that the divorce procedures might be more peaceful.
  • Expedite an agreement.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce because you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is private; prosecuted divorce is public.

However, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might also:

  • Waste time and money. If negotiations stop working, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the arbitrator is unskilled or biased towards your other half, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable contract. A mediation contract that’s uneven or poorly prepared can be challenged.
  • Result in legal issues. Any problem of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover particular possessions. Because all financial info is voluntarily disclosed and there is no subpoena of records, your husband might possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy habits patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the last settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation could increase negative behavior of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples frequently find out about the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a better, less contentious, cheaper and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. Nevertheless, my biggest issue with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the arbitrator is to get the celebrations to come to an arrangement– any agreement! Keep in mind, the mediator can not give any suggestions. All they can do is try to get you to concur. Not all contracts are excellent contracts, and in reality, in lots of cases, no agreement is much better than a bad arrangement. So unless both celebrations can be relatively reasonable and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I believe that mediation is generally not a viable option for the majority of women.

Collective Divorce

Basically, collective divorce occurs when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your other half will each hire an attorney who has been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The function of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is quite different than in a conventional divorce.

In the collective procedure, you, your other half and your respective attorneys all must sign an agreement that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your partner should begin all over once again and find brand-new lawyers. Neither party can utilize the exact same attorneys again!

Even if the collaborative process succeeds, you will usually need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. However the legal process can be much quicker and more economical than traditional litigation if the collective process works.

However, I have found that the collaborative approach frequently does not work well to settle divorces involving complex monetary circumstances or when there are significant assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all financial information (earnings, possessions and liabilities) is disclosed willingly. Frequently the husband manages the “bag strings,” and the spouse is typically unaware of the information of their financial scenario. When this sort of inequality exists, the door is typically wide open for the other half to hide properties. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces include companies and professional practices where it is relatively easy to hide possessions and earnings. In addition, the problem of evaluation can be quite controversial.

So … as a basic rule, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT use any of these very first 3 choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You presume your spouse is concealing assets/income.
  • Your other half is aggressive, and you have problem speaking out or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your other half has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce option is the most common. Nowadays, the majority of separating couples select the “conventional” model of litigated divorce.

Remember, however, “prosecuted” does not imply the divorce winds up in court. In fact, the huge bulk of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement arrangement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘carrying out a claim.’

In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, develops an adversarial circumstance right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, considering that both methods rely on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all financial information.

Clearly, if you are starting out with an adversarial and highly mentally charged situation, the chances are very high that cooperation or mediation might fail. Why take the danger of going those routes when odds are they might fail, squandering your money and time?

The most crucial and most difficult parts of any divorce are pertaining to a contract on kid custody, division of properties and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for the length of time). Although you desire your attorney to be a highly competent mediator, you do not want somebody who is extremely combative, ready to combat over anything and everything. An overly contentious method will not just lengthen the pain and substantially increase your legal costs, it will also be emotionally damaging to everyone involved, specifically the children.

Remember: The majority of divorce lawyers (or at least the ones I would suggest) will constantly make every effort to come to a reasonable settlement with the other party. If they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other party is completely unreasonable then, unfortunately, going to court, or threatening to do so, may be the only method to fix these issues.

Up up until that point both attorneys were “negotiators,” trying to get the parties to jeopardize and come to some reasonable resolution. As soon as in court, the function of each lawyer changes.

And do not forget, as soon as you remain in court, it’s a judge who knows extremely little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your kids, your residential or commercial property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge danger for both parties to take– and that’s also why the danger of going to court is usually such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of guidance about divorce options: Weigh divorce choices carefully. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be all set with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

[su_heading]Related Articles[/su_heading]

[su_heading]Solent Family Mediation Important Links[/su_heading]

Back to Top