children first

Children First - effects of divorce

Marriage is considered as a show of love between two people who adore each other.

Whether customary or religious, marriage is recognised under the law and is, therefore, a very important stage in life.

One of the best blessings in a marriage relationship is children, whether biological or adopted.

However, sometimes it doesn’t work out in a marriage setting and the partners may be forced to have a divorce.

Although this is a painful process for the two, the children also suffer a lot.

This article will effectively discuss the effects of divorce on children and how mediation may help them.


It has long been a pre-conceived idea that whatever a parent feels is good for themselves is also good for a child, even a divorce per se.

Recent studies have shown that children from divorced marriages show severe symptoms of emotional trauma.

This is mainly attributed to the fact that they have an attitude that their parents, being the closest role models, should find a more subtle way to work things out.

For a young child, aged between 3-9 years, divorce creates a sense of instability and insecurity in their environment.

Being in a stage of dependency, the child finds it very hard to come to terms with a divorce.

They live in a fantasy world and wishful thinking that sees their mom and dad re-unite gain. Ultimately, the child may suffer from severe regression and eventually revert to a former way of operating. 


Adolescents, however, prefer a more aggressive approach to divorce. Since this year’s prompt a bid need for independence, they may show signs of rebellion, anger and a high disregard for family discipline since the parents failed as role models.

They grow more distant, disconnected and defiant by the day as they try to cater for their own self-interests. The much grievance felt by the adolescent prompts them to generate a lot of anger.

More studies have also shown that children first of divorce mostly carry some of these traits even into adulthood. There are substantial cases where they showed fear of loss, change, conflict and also large expectations of failure. 

These children also tend to view practices such as pre-marital sex and cohabitation more favourably, increasing the likelihood of more divorces and break-ups.

Children first MEDIATION

Children first mediation, in this case, can be described as the intervention or intercession in a relationship. Since the negative effects of divorce on children have been seen as diverse, mediation may play a pivotal role in preventing them.

Family mediators are specially trained to handle various family issues, including divorce. Since parents sometimes assume that their children are free to tell the anything. 

This may affect the children since they fear that whatever they may say may fuel up the situation making it worse, hence they keep to themselves. 

Children first is the aim for Family mediators would, therefore, step in such a situation to offer consolation and a listening ear to the distort child.

When the child agrees to a session, they are asked to bring long with them a personal item of significance to create the aura of a home setting. The item also helps the family mediator to easily break the ice with the child.

Just like therapy, the child is reassured of discretion and given the opportunity to decide whether a report should be given back to their parents.

The whole process is then explained to the child so that they feel safe and knowledgeable. After all that the family mediator starts a conversation with the child regarding their thoughts and feelings.

Family mediation has provided many positive results over the years. Firstly, it has given children in divorce a chance to effectively relay messages to their parents, which aids a lot in the emotional healing process.

Amazingly, in other cases the children renewed contact with their parents after a feedback meeting, building stronger relationships.

The information obtained from family mediation also help parents in their final decision-making processes. Since they better understand the matters at hand, they are able to decide on issues like where the children will live and also the visitation of extended relatives.