What questions does a conciliator ask a kid?

By Solent Family Mediation |
April 22, 2021

What Questions Will The Mediator Ask The Kid?

Child inclusive mediation

If you are going through a divorce with children, it may be prudent for your mediator to speak to them directly, without you present.

It may sound odd, but it’s crucial for children to have a voice while their parents are divorcing, even if they don’t always feel comfortable expressing themselves openly in front of one or both parents.

This is true even in the most loving and caring households; the kid may feel they are letting you down or that they are partially to blame for the decision to separate.

By enabling your kid to speak with a family mediator, you provide us with the opportunity to learn what they are thinking in a safe and supportive setting.

If there is an opportunity to use such information to determine a better course of action — for instance, if it will be helpful in determining the child’s future living arrangements – we will.

What will the mediator ask the child?

The precise questions mediators ask children will vary considerably from case to case. They can vary depending on the child’s age, whether or not they have siblings, and the nature of the parents’ relationship.

However, a mediator will usually sit down with the kid and have a casual conversation with them to reassure them that they are safe and will not be punished.

This conversation can then transition to practical matters, such as the child’s desired future residence, as well as any personal problems they may have.

Consequently, a child mediation session can reveal details that could otherwise be overlooked, such as:

  • Everyday concerns such as dietary changes or missed mealtimes.
  • When a youngster feels as if he or she is being pulled in both directions, he or she experiences stress.
  • Long-term concerns, such as the future of birthdays and Christmas.

Even if you have attempted to keep your divorce a secret from your children, they are often far more aware of events than their parents realise, and conversing with them can provide essential insight into how they are feeling.

How does it help?

We would not engage children in mediation if it were not beneficial. Asking your kid how they are feeling and if they have any concerns can reveal obstacles that are keeping you from making significant separation negotiations progress.

In the most evident cases, the child may have clear preferences for where they choose to dwell as their primary abode in the future, which you may choose to respect as much as feasible.

Indirectly, this could be a sign of a deeper concern in the child’s thinking, such as how well they believe one or both parents will handle the separation.

We will always proceed with caution and ask the questions we believe will be most beneficial, before reporting back to you so that you can determine how to utilise this information to your advantage in future arrangements for your kid or children.

Child Inclusive Mediation

In Child Inclusive Mediation, a family mediator trained as a kid consultant speaks with a child or children as part of a mediation in which arrangements for children are being arranged. The government has advised that children ten years of age and older should have access to a mediator when their futures are being decided through mediation.

As a form of mediation, parents may recommend including their kid(s). Sometimes the suggestion comes from the kid. It is essential that parents comprehend the perspectives, needs, and goals of their children, and incorporating them in the mediation process may be an excellent method to do so. Children like being informed and having their opinions and ideas considered, but they must recognise that they are not accountable for the final decision.

Involving children in mediation can be extremely difficult, and a great deal of preparation is required before a mediator can communicate with a youngster. Depending on the age and maturity of the child, different considerations apply. The consultation must be authorised by the child and both parents. It is up to the mediator to establish if child mediation is necessary.

Call Solent Family Mediation for more information – 0238 161 1051